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让护士告诉你:临终病人最后悔的五件事情
2011/09/16 11:33
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<文章来源>: http://citytalk.tw/bbs/forum.php?mod=viewthread&tid=45548

(article source)   

:  http://www.inspirationandchai.com/Regrets-of-the-Dying.html

  最近有一篇文章在Facebook, twitter上频频被转,Nurse reveals the top 5 regrets people make on their deathbed,它的原文是一名叫Bronnie Ware的护士写的。Bronnie Ware专门照顾那些临终病人,所以有机会听到很多人临终前说出他们一生里最后悔的事。她作了一个概括,有5件事是大多数人最后悔的。

  很好奇为什么这么多人转载它,也许,因为这是一种你永远无法提前经历的事吧。你 不会时常面对别人的死亡,你更不怎么时常有机会听到一个临终前的人告诉你他最后悔的事是什么。而即便你听到,你又会觉得自己来日方长。我们似乎永远无法感同身受;也许,只有我们自己的生命到了尽头时,我们才会意识到自己究竟错过了什么,最后悔什么。


1. 我希望当初我有勇气过自己真正想要的生活,而不是别人希望我过的生活。

这是所有后悔的事中最常听到的。

心理学上有个理论,较之那些我们做过的事,人们后悔的往往是那些没做的事。所以当人们在生命尽头往回看时,往往会发现有好多梦想应该实现,却没有实现。你的生活方式、你的工作、你的感情、你的伴侣,其实我们多少人过著的是别人希望你过的生活,而不是自己真正想要的生活——又可能,一直以来你把别人希望你过的生活当作是你想要的生活。

当你疾病缠身时,才发现其实自己应该而且可以放下很多顾虑追求你要的生活,似乎已经晚了一点。


2. 我希望当初我没有花这么多精力在工作上。

Ware说这是她照顾过的每一个男病人会说的话。因为工作,他们错过了关注孩子成长的乐趣,错过了爱人温暖的陪伴,这是他们最深的后悔与愧疚。其实对于现在的职业女性来说,这也将成为一个问题。

如果把你的生活变简单些,你也许会发现自己在做很多你以为你需要做其实不需要你做的事。腾出那些事占的空间,可能你会过得开心一点。


3. 我希望当初我能有勇气表达我的感受。

太多的人压抑自己的感受与想法,只是为了“天下太平”,不与别人产生矛盾。渐渐他们就成了中庸之辈,无法成为他们可以成为的自己。其实,有很多疾病与长期压抑愤怒与消极情绪有关。

也许当你直言不讳,你会得罪某些人。但可能从此以后因为你的中肯,你们不打不相识;又或者翻脸,正好让你摆脱这种需要你压抑自己感受才能维持的累人关系。不管哪里一种结果,你都是赢家,不是吗?——不过当然,直言不讳还是有底线的。


4. 我希望当初我能和朋友保持联系。

老朋友的好,我们总要到自己有事了的时候才会想到。

多少人因为自己忙碌的生活忽略了朋友忽略了曾经闪亮的友情。很多人临终前终于放下钱、放下权,却放不下心中的情感与牵挂。朋友也好,爱人也罢,其实生命最后的日子里,他们才是我们最深的惦念。


5. 我希望当初我能让自己活过开心点。

也许有点出乎意料,但这一条也在前5之中。很多人直到生命的最后才发现,“快乐是选择”。

他们在自己既定习惯和生活方式中太久了,习惯了掩饰,习惯了伪装,习惯了在人前堆起笑脸。就像五月天的那首歌,“你不是真正的快乐,你的笑只是你给的保护色”。他们以为是生活让他们不快乐,其实是他们自己让自己不快乐了。

是只有临终的时候才会发现,别人怎么看你又有什么关系呢,傻也好,怪也罢,能有真心的笑,比什么都值得。

Top Five Regrets of the Dying
By Bronnie Ware

For many years I worked in palliative care. My patients were those who had gone home to die. Some incredibly special times were shared. I was with them for the last three to twelve weeks of their lives. People grow a lot when they are faced with their own mortality. I learned never to underestimate someone's capacity for growth. Some changes were phenomenal. Each experienced a variety of emotions, as expected, denial, fear, anger, remorse, more denial and eventually acceptance. Every single patient found their peace before they departed though, every one of them. When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently, common themes surfaced again and again. Here are the most common five:

1. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
This was the most common regret of all. When people realise that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people have had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made. It is very important to try and honour at least some of your dreams along the way. From the moment that you lose your health, it is too late. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it.

2. I wish I didn't work so hard.
This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children's youth and their partner's companionship. Women also spoke of this regret. But as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence. By simplifying your lifestyle and making conscious choices along the way, it is possible to not need the income that you think you do. And by creating more space in your life, you become happier and more open to new opportunities, ones more suited to your new lifestyle.

3. I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.
Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result. We cannot control the reactions of others. However, although people may initially react when you change the way you are by speaking honestly, in the end it raises the relationship to a whole new and healthier level. Either that or it releases the unhealthy relationship from your life. Either way, you win.

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying. It is common for anyone in a busy lifestyle to let friendships slip. But when you are faced with your approaching death, the physical details of life fall away. People do want to get their financial affairs in order if possible. But it is not money or status that holds the true importance for them. They want to get things in order more for the benefit of those they love. Usually though, they are too ill and weary to ever manage this task. It is all comes down to love and relationships in the end. That is all that remains in the final weeks, love and relationships.

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.
This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called 'comfort' of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again. When you are on your deathbed, what others think of you is a long way from your mind. How wonderful to be able to let go and smile again, long before you are dying. Life is a choice. It is YOUR life. Choose consciously, choose wisely, choose honestly. Choose happiness.

Bronnie Ware is a writer, singer/songwriter, songwriting teacher and speaker from Australia. She has lived nomadically for most of her adult life. Bronnie shares her inspiring observations and the insights gained along the way through the diversity of her work. To read more of her articles and learn about her other work, please visit Inspiration and Chai at http://www.inspirationandchai.com.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Bronnie_Ware

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回响(7) :
7楼. hui998
2012/05/11 00:29
如果当初

 如果生命可ˇ重来

我并不想离开 这世界

 当初准备的安眠药 在家里的书桌下  没来得吃掉 

否则......

6楼.
2012/03/17 12:32
85% 的就业人士不喜欢他们的工作,却没勇气转换跑道
个人认为“欲望”是一个无形的阻力,如果能将一切简化,欲望降低,那么达到五项虽无法百分百,亦不远矣!
5楼. 乌拉瑰本尊在此
2011/11/14 18:53
she/he my not have that choice
I have read this article before.  In reality, it's not that easy for everyone simply because each individual is different.  To achieve all five points, you have to draw boundaries which can be difficult for some people because  she/he my not have that choice.  If people can relive, some people still would have trouble to achieve all those five points.  People should feel grateful that they can. 

Thank you for sharing this. 
Thanks for your valuable feedback.
For me, No.3 is often the most difficult.
When I sense the possibility that I might have severe conflict with others
, especially during an important meeting, I sometimes choose to avoid expressing my real opions.
In reality, we often suffer from those situations that
we wanted to fight back but we chose to yield ourselves.
As a traditional Chinese, maybe educational background is the real factor that subtly influnces me.
Thanks for your visit and your messages.
Robert Robert TCW2011/11/15 08:56回覆
4楼. 岚山
2011/11/12 09:46
Do as nurse tell to do~
Just follow her instructions, there is no problem! These are health tips that we should behave and discipline ourselves. Most of time, a healthy mind even more important than physical!!
I wish you and family have a good health and prosperous years to come.

岚山(Blue Mt.) 敬上
Dear BM,
Thansk for your warm blessings.
I agree with your points of view on the issue of mental healthness.
A recent statistics indicates that one out of five persons tends to be blue.
It's quite important that we exam ourselves from time to time to ensure we're healthy physically and mentally.
More importantly, we sometimes need to look into ourselves
to see if we live the way we want to be instead of the way we are supposed to be.
I appreciate your stopping by and cherish your messages.
Robert Robert TCW2011/11/14 15:28回覆
3楼. 新天新地
2011/10/08 02:48
高兴
知道自己在还健康的时候就知道这五件事
并且都做到了!(^_−)−☆
恭喜您
能清楚知道自己要的是什么
而且能勇于去追求自己要的生活
Robert
Robert TCW2011/10/13 08:34回覆
2楼. Derek
2011/10/02 15:35
把每一天 当成最后一天

最近几年 不约而同地  许多的地方

都有 末日将致的传说  

恐慌  试图消灾躲祸  ......

也许  未来 是不可测的

如果  今天是 最后的一天

我们  是否应该  更认真地    审视  亲人 朋友...........

活在当下   把握 每一份的悸动

感谢  分享这篇好文

谢谢Derek兄回应,

希望我们都能努力保握现在, 维持身心灵健康,

若能再偶而有点生活的精采(如您全家日本深度之旅),

那就太好了,祝福您!

Robert Robert TCW2011/10/02 17:35回覆
1楼.
2011/09/28 19:53
怎么办? 这5项我全都做到了!

我真得很庆幸,这五项我全都做到了!  这会不会生活太淡薄了些呢?

应该说您的生活态度是很健康吧!
希望我们除了周遭的压力,也能随时关照自己、为自己而活、活在当下
Robert TCW2011/09/29 10:33回覆
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